Sunday, December 21, 2008

I didn't know

I didn't know.

I didn't know the distance at which I'd kept God for so long.

I didn't know how I really didn't trust him.

I didn't know how much I feared that He'd betray me.

I didn't know.

I didn't know how much was colored by my childhood by anyone's childhood.

I didn't know that if you're raised around so much anger that you are angry too.

I didn't know that I had quit talking for fear it would be repeated.

I didn't know that I'd quit writing for fear it would be found.

I didn't know how much on earth is reflected spiritually.

I just didn't know.

I didn't know how long pain could be carried.

I didn't know how strongly He wanted my attention.

I didn't know how much hurt I could feel.

I didn't know how humbled I could be.

I didn't know how bad things really had been.

I didn't know I could feel.

I didn't know how much He loved me.

I didn't know how open I could be.

I didn't know how glorious things are.

I didn't know.

Now I do.

Praise God.

I didn't know.

2 comments:

Kat said...

Thank you for this. Very powerful. So many of my own feelings and thoughts are reflected here.

Jack Of All Trades said...

Kathy!

Thank you for letting me know it meant something to you! I've shared with you before that (I know I may not be eloquent, but) it's so hard to put reality down on paper . . . These feelings that get dredged up from time to time - well, I kept them in for so long. That's just not a good place for them.

Merry Christmas!
Bitsy