Laverne

Laverne, my Dad's sister, left Arkansas as soon as possible and moved to San Francisco. She went to work for a shipper as his bookkeeper and rumor was that she became embroiled in some scandal involving the mob. Of course that rumor came to us through my mother. So that rumor served as a source to divide and conquer. Divide us from Laverne who I admired because she escaped.

When our grandfather died the scandal was used again. We couldn't go to the funeral. Who knows who would show up. We had to protect the boys. Like a lemming, I believed her. We didn't go. Did she use the same line with Ann? I need to ask. We were not talking much then, so I don't know for sure.

Laverne was in Colorado by the time my grandmother got ill. She quit her job and moved in with her to take care of her in her last days. Mother won't have this gift. Then when Daddy died, Laverne offered to move in with her. This seemed like a natural transition. They'd gotten along fairly well. Seemed like sisters. We'd not recognized Daddy (once again) for the buffer he'd been.

Things went smoothly for awhile. For awhile. Then we started to notice the comments. Mother didn't like the way Laverne hung the towels on the refrigerator. She didn't like the time of day she washed the clothes. She didn't like the clothes she wore to exercise. She didn't like the way she ate or drove or well, it didn't matter, she didn't like it. We were back to the best friends and then no friends. Before we knew it, Laverne was gone. Back to Colorado. Mother was alone and glad to have her house back. She'd made it clear that Laverne was a guest.

Can you imagine what Laverne's life had been like once Mother turned on her?

Adult Children of Abuse

I didn't know this list existed. Ann found it one night when we were talking on the speaker phone. She should have been writing a paper. I was grading.

It is the 13 Characteristics of Adult Children. But it's not just alcoholics. All everyone who discusses abused families uses. It's that kind of list. So many organizations use is, I didn't even have to list a source. Just put Characteristics of Adult Children of Abuse in Google.

I've grown through some of these because of my relationship with a loving husband and a merciful God. But at one time, I had virtually all of them. So did Ann.

1. Adult children of alcoholics guess at what normal behavior is.

2. Adult children of alcoholics have difficulty following a project through from beginning to end.

3. Adult children of alcoholics lie when it would be just as easy to tell the truth.

4. Adult children of alcoholics judge themselves without mercy.

5. Adult children of alcoholics have difficulty having fun.

6. Adult children of alcoholics take themselves very seriously.

7. Adult children of alcoholics have difficulty with intimate relationships.

8. Adult children of alcoholics overreact to changes over which they have no control.

9. Adult children of alcoholics constantly seek approval and affirmation.

10. Adult children of alcoholics usually feel that they are different from other people.

11. Adult children of alcoholics are super responsible or super irresponsible.

12. Adult children of alcoholics are extremely loyal, even in the face of evidence that the loyalty is undeserved.

13. Adult children of alcoholics are impulsive. They tend to lock themselves into a course of action without giving serious consideration to alternative behaviors or possible consequences. This impulsively leads to confusion, self-loathing and loss of control over their environment. In addition, they spend an excessive amount of energy cleaning up the mess.

Drinking and Baptist Jobs

Well, I just don't understand why the two are at odds.

If it said: Getting drunk and Baptist Jobs - I'd understand. BUT really, having a drink is not antiScriptual. But it is heritage and it's hard to shake heritage. I've been amazed at the contingent against it. I've been amazed at the groups that make scripture say that wine in the Bible isn't wine. Now I understand that wine was watered down in the Bible, that it wasn't the strength that is served today. But to say that drinking at all goes against Scripture. Sorry, just can't buy it.

Why am I bringing this up. Well, we've lost our Associate Headmaster. He wasn't perfect. We butted heads on more than one occasion. He made me mad a few times. I don't think he always heard what I had to say. But I think he had great potential when he wasn't being a bull in a china cabinet.

He had a drink in public. He's gone. He violated his contract.

Well, so have others. I don't imagine that every one has turned in their lesson plans on time or serve in positions of leadership in their churches. I know that some have missed staff prayer. I wonder if we went through contracts with a fine tooth comb what we'd find. I just wonder . . .

Crying

I wish I could quit crying. There are times I am near breathless and I don't understand. This should come as relief. It seems quite unfair to have reached some of these decisions finally and still be in such emotional turmoil.