The Rich Man in Hell

I can't let this go.

We've been studying parables. Typical LifeWay fashion - there was a worksheet with references and titles to match. Such a challenging lesson ;0. So, I picked about a dozen for us to look at more closely.

Most I picked at random. I picked the new wine in old wine skins just so the students would know that not everything is easy to interpret.

This one though, the rich man in hell. It's been bugging me. Every one I've mentioned it to, they remember the part about the rich man wanting Lazarus to place a drop of water on his tongue. They don't remember the part about the rich man asking Abraham to send Lazarus to warn his five brothers about what was in store for them if they didn't believe. Abraham's response? Why would they believe a dead man standing in front of them when they had the words of Moses and the prophets? You didn't believe!

Now the students, they said, "OH, I'd believe a dead guy if he came to tell me about hell!"

"Oh really?" I said, "The Bible clearly says you won't."

One of the counselors gets a remarkable picture in an email. I do wish I had the picture because it was absolutely awesome. Truck driver saved in a wreck. He drops off the road facing in the opposite direction on a sheer incline. He'd have surely died if he'd been facing the other direction, off just inches. It was miles down the cliff. The first response was, "If he didn't believe in God before, he'd have to now."

BUT he doesn't, does he? Because if the Holy Spirit is not working, no event, no person, no words are going to make a difference. The thing is that we don't know on who, at what place, at what time God is at work and our part, our obligation is just to be ready to share.

Translation Debate by Eugene Glassman

We are in Texas to see Brandon in a play. I picked up Translation Debate by Eugene Glassman to read on the way over. He wrote this book in 1981, so many of the current versions are not included, but it is a fine piece of work that is nicely notated.

Glassman gives a brief history of how the modern Bible came to us. He discusses the differences in translation purposes - is the translator going to be truer to the original language or to the receiving language. He is not anti-paraphrase and discusses that all versions are paraphrased to some extent. Glassman does a good job of comparing a single scripture from various scripture to prove his points.

He brought up the Phillips Translation many times. I've got an old one on my shelf that I haven't pulled off in years that used to be one of my favorites to read. I need to go dust it off.

One of my favorite quotes was from the gentleman writing to the American Bible Society wanting to help translate Bibles for missionaries - he asked for a foreign language dictionary and grammar book and promised that in his spare time, he'd get the new testamant translated.

It's been a week . . .

I went a week in between migraines this time. Not a pain-free week mind you, but a week in between the kind that make you have to lay down and take major pain meds. THAT is a miracle! AND I'm really grateful.

It might have been longer if I'd not been careless at dinner Wednesday night. We went for Mexican and I ate hot sauce with reckless abandon, thinking while I ate it that this would be trouble. It was. Two days worth. One of them a traveling day even.

oh well.

You know, I did have a thought this past week. It was probably completely bizarre and makes no sense. I did an internet search and only found one other reference and it was in another blog. But I've thought and thought about the time my migraines went from several a year to the time they went to chonic and it seems it was about the same time I had shingles. It's also in the same location - same side of my face and down the same arm. Probaby a crazy thought, but I did think about it.

Beyond the call of duty

I was walking out of the counselor's office (across the hall from my classroom)

WHAM!

Well, that's just how fast things happen don't they! I got hit by a running kid. A kid who was supposed to be sitting in my class. Since I was a few minutes late, he thought he could sneak off to his locker like The Flash. I was still halfway in the door so it didn't knock me over. I was knocked into the door frame. He's sprawled all over the floor laughing. I'm not. It surprised me. I'm trying to figure out if I'm hurt, if he's hurt. People come running. At least my class has the good sense to act concerned.

Now I'm feeling a bit like I've been in an accident - sore from head to toe. I do hope the kid's ok . . . We had a wreck - minus the vehicles.

Merging Blogs . . .

1. I can't keep up with a variety of blogs, so I've been doing some merging.
2. Not all blogs are easy to merge. Bah humbug. This is going to take some time and cut into new writing.
3. I've learned some blog coding. HA! The look has already changed. Watch out!

Abortion

OK John Piper two days in a row. Or is it two in one. mmm

Well he's good. I like the clear and concise way he puts things.

Abortion. God makes life. Who are we to take it? When does life begin? Too many opinions. Life is precious because it comes from God.

God is at work. And if he is supreme, you leave his knitting work alone

-John Piper

Skinny by New Years

I have Sirrius Radio in the car and they play the most bizarre commercials. One of them is for this weight loss pill. Take it and night and sleep your weight away. It will fall off as you sleep. You'll be skinny by New Year. The web page is really something like skinnypill.com

Yea right. Give me a break.

Now this does make me think of this year's class actually. They just don't want to work. Every year, I have some students who are resistant to working, but this class has much larger numbers. If I give a challenging problem, the whines rise. Instead of using spare time to do assignments, they create spare time. I've had to change my teaching order because visiting is rampant. I always issue a challenge to students to not cut off educational opportunities today that will limit what they can do with their education in the upcoming years because they have no clue what God has planned for them, and still they look for opportunities to cut out problems, look for ways to visit, not start class on time, don't do their homework . . . Generalities of course - but larger than in the past. Skinny education.

Glorious Jesus!

Piper's latest sermon arrived in my email box. He's preaching through John. These are the titles for Jesus in just John 1:

1. The Word. Verse 1: “In the beginning was the Word.”
2. God. Verse 1: “And the Word was God.”
3. Light. Verse 9: “The true light . . . was coming into the world.”
4. Jesus Christ. Verse 17: “Grace and truth came through Jesus Christ.”
5. Lamb of God. Verse 29: “Behold, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world!”
6. Rabbi. Verse 38: “And they said to him, ‘Rabbi’ (which means Teacher), where are you staying?”
7. Messiah. Verse 41: “We have found the Messiah” (which means Christ).”
8. Son of God. Verse 49: “You are the Son of God!”
9. King of Israel. V
   Publish Post
   erse 49: “You are the King of Israel!”
10. Son of Man. Verse 51: “You will see heaven opened, and the angels of God ascending and descending on the Son of Man.”

Those have a new meaning to me since I've worked through them now as a teacher and because we spent quite a bit of time with those in Bible.

Last section of sermon:

God’s Greatest Glory: Dying for Sinners

So you could say that the greatest glory Nathanael, or you and I, would ever see is the glory of the Son of Man, the Lord of heaven, whose dominion is an everlasting dominion, lifted up on a cross to die for sinners.

So when you see him this Advent season as Son of God, and as King of Israel, and as Son of Man, make sure that you see him dying to give you eternal life and, therefore, see him as glorious.

-John Piper

Glorious Savior! Who am I that you looked on me? That you care for me, that you died for me? Oh Glorious Savior!

I can't make up my mind!

Bible!

Life of Christ! I was so looking forward to teaching it and it's been such a trial. The text from Lifeway (LifeQuest) is just mediocre. The school did not buy the student texts - probably because they also are mediocre, but the teacher text is based on the fact that the kids have them. There are multiple problems with it:

1. It's an awful lot like what they get in Sunday School and I'd like to go deeper on the factual side.
2. There is the textbook issue.
3. It's meant for 5 1-hour sessions and we only have 4 30-minute sessions (please don't get me started on that!).
4. It's a survey course. This is fine, but some of these kids are really hungry for some deep learning.
   

I've had to essentially write, make, and then copy everything the students have to use. I'm sure the guys in the copy center hate to see me coming, but 8th graders need something in their hands to help them organize themselves.

So, I'm digging around in the book room one day and I see what looks like a set of Twelve Ordinary Men behind some new office furniture. I climb over there to retrieve one of the copies and I read it. Now this is exciting! A classroom set of something that the kids can hold in their hands. I do some research and there is a study guide I can get. The book is on CD, so I can use that intermittently. This can take third quarter planned appropriately - good meaty material!

Except, when the furniture is put in the office, there are only three books, not the classroom set I was expecting. So I send out emails and find that there is indeed a classroom set. At least two teachers have seen it. One has used it in the past. BUT where is it. I send out another email. I get some of the silliest replies about me looking for men, but nothing tangible about the books.

Heavy sigh.

One day in the midst of all this, I get an email from one of my media center suppliers. For purchases of $35 or more - there is no shipping. I check and yes indeed, they do have Twelve Ordinary Men. And what's this? They have hardbacks new for $9.95 a book. A classroom set will cost $250. If I throw in the $100 that the PTF has allotted me, then the school only has to fork over, ahhh spend $150. WHAT a bargain! Email sent to principal in a flash.

No response.

Wait.

Ah, I know, she's just sent the order through the appropriate channels. Let me check that route.

So, principal passes me in the hall. Appropriate channel asked. Ain't gonna happen. Money won't be spent. Now I'm upset. Even if the school spent the whole $250, that's $3.50 per kid on some good material. As far as I can tell, nothing's been spent in quite a while.

So, I'm kicking this around with a friend. And she's got a Piper DVD. I love Piper too. This one is called Blazing Center and is based off of Desiring God. Eight sermons. It's got a study guide which I've now got in my grubby little hands. I could get a could quarter's worth of lessons off of it too. It's good stuff. But it's not exactly directly related to the Life of Christ.

I know - I'm wordy.

My choices:

1. Stick with the LifeWay teacher material and keep working up material for the kids.
2. Use what I have of the Twelve Ordinary Men. Which is a DVD with some re-enactments, an unabridged CD, but NO books for the kids. They are only 8th graders.
3. Use the Blazing Center materials which isn't related to the curriculum.

It's taken me all day to write this and I still don't know what to do. I've no clear guidance.

Migraines

I've had severe excruciating headaches for as long as I can remember. My dad must have had them too because I remember he took goodies or ate aspirin and he'd squint and rub his fingers or palm across his forehead.

To mother's credit, she did take me to the eye doctor a once when I was a girl to see if my vision was so terrible that might be the cause of them. When it wasn't, however, that was the end of that.

What it taught me was to carry pain in silence because we did not discuss things without a cause. Things without a cause were not real. And we all know what things that aren't real are *wink* *wink*

It was with such relief as an adult to finally be diagnosed. Well, I suppose relief is a funny word. I'd rather not have a chronic illness. But in reality, it's better to give it a name than not. It's better to research it and try remedies - both pharmaceutical and herbal. And again, I do owe a debt of being able to work, host, teach, converse, write through small, medium, intense pain.

Dante Club

Good book by Matthew Pearl

My friend Debbie gave it to me for my birthday. It's taking me a while to get through it because I read at night and keep falling asleep. Not because it's boring by any means.

Set in Boston with Longfellow, Holmes, Lowell, and Fields (a publisher) making up the club - they are translating Dante. Took a bit to get into. After you are into it, you won't want to put it down. Well, unless it drops into your lap when you nod off because you are too tired to continue ;)

Crocheting and Knitting

I am making Christmas presents this year.

shhhhhh, it's a secret, but it's been fun so far . . .

Dreaming and the alarm clock

I don't dream very often. When I do they are usually really weird.

This morning, I was teaching and handing out materials then the alarm clock started to go off and I couldn't tear myself away from the kids to turn off the clock!

Silliest thing!

Craft Store

I stopped by Zondervan's. I've been wanted to pick up a TNIV. Well, JoAnne's is right next door. I've been also wanting to pick up material for a new black purse. Material I got. They also had a knitting machine on sale for 1/3 off. I used to have one. This one in fact. I gave it away when we left Atlanta.

Guess what I came home with? *eyebrows raised*

I don't like your tone

Most days I like teaching even though I've decided not to return next year. Today was not one of them.

Event 1
My second period class is chatty and borders on disrespectful - borders. They are the same when they return to Bible. Today I had a student who I'd asked several times to turn around. I'd asked several times to quit talking. I'd done my usual waiting. He'd asked me to repeat questions several times. Then he whispered a comment which he wouldn't repeat.

Another student later in the day came up to me and said, "Mrs. Griffin, wasn't it funny when Harry said he didn't like your tone?"

What? I was flabbergasted! That wasn't borderline anymore. Harry was at his locker and admitted he'd said it. He did apologize. Won't happen again he says. mmmmmm I should hope not. Certainly not after detention.

Event 2
Young man who is going to be gone for ages on an over seas trip. I've been working terribly hard trying to get his work ready in advance - including exams, tests, keys and January's work for him to take with him so he can return and not be behind. His mom told the History teacher at car duty that they aren't going to take any of the work we've gotten ready for him with them on their trip. *sigh*

Event 3
After much negotiation, I thought we finally had an exam grade column on the report card for 8th grade that would help a) students prepare for the H.S. exam grade that counts 20 percent of their semester grade and b) help parents remember what that grade was come recommendation time. When I went looking for it, I couldn't find it. Had to ask. Principal changed her mind and forgot to tell us.

finished those Roman Shades

The re-covering was a dumb idea . . .

I thought it would make the room darker at night and in the mornings when we had the chance to sleep in. BUT they just didn't hang right. That's ok. They are finished now and are all beautiful and yellow. These go much nicer with the spread and pillows.

New Pillows

Well that's not exciting I know. I've had the material for ages, so I recovered a Roman Shade too. I think I'll do to more Shades tomorrow.

I did get the hole patched. Tomorrow . . . Wall Paper!

Fixing holes in the wall

you wouldn't think this would be hard!

Last week we had one in the bathroom. Joe has moved home during the week. Blythe is finishing up school and he's opening up a new store. So he's staying with us. I noticed that the towel rack was loose in the bathroom he's using. By the time I finished getting it off the wall, there was a hole - Metal anchors primarily to blame. So, some patch, sanding, small pieces of wall paper and it's nearly as good as new.

Which makes me think it's time to tackle the much larger hole at the bottom of the stairs that I've ignored for several years. Ron had tried to carry a mattress up the stairs by himself and it slipped. oops . . . I just hung a quilt over it. Since it was at such a prime location, I thought I should pull the entire panels of wall paper down for this hole - it spanned two. Joy! They didn't want to come off without the wall. What I thought would take 15 minutes took two hours. That was just pulling off the paper.

Tomorrow, I'll have to start patching the wall - not just the hole. Drat!

Well, darn

OK, so Sharon and James had to cancel . . .

Sharon is sick. I hope she get's well quick!

Company for Thanksgiving . . .

Sharon and James are coming for Thanksgiving!

I'm exciting. We won't have any of the kids over most likely. They would like to go out to eat. This has proved to be a feat greater than climbing Everest. We finally found a place closer than 100 miles.

My favorite was calling Salem Tavern.

We just found out we have out of town company coming. Are you open Thanksgiving Day?

Yes.

Wonderful! We'll need a table for four.

I can give you two tables for two.

But we have company coming. Couldn't you work out a table for four?

You've waited entirely too late to call!

Oh! Thanks anyway!

Oh well ;)

50!?!

Today I am 50!

*gasp*

Where did the time go?

I think the bigger question is: Why don't I feel 50? ;)

Guidance

This year, Kathy Glover asked to do Guidance during Bible. She's been doing a some decision making lessons and one of the situations was about a boy having to decide whether to live with his mom or dad. She made the statement that boys were naturally closer to their dads and girls were naturally closer to their moms.

When I got a chance, I had to whisper to her that this might not be true for a variety of reasons. I was closer to my dad - not that he was all that great a dad, but he was the one I gravitated toward. She asked me to share that, IF I didn't mind. AND you know, there were several girls that did say they were much closer to their dads than moms. Just because girls and boys are supposed to be a certain way - even in the best of homes - well, that doesn't always make it so.

My Cousin

When my grandmother Katie died, my cousin Brian wanted to buy her house. He and daddy worked out all the arrangements. Then of course Daddy died before Brian paid off the house with the land.

I wonder how all that really went down. Mother would have sued him, taken the house and put him on the street. That much I do know. But the contract Daddy wrote was legally binding and she couldn't. I wonder if he was anywhere near the worm Mother portrayed him as being. There is no way to tell.

A loss beyond words

We lost a student this week. He shot himself. He was actually on campus Monday to pick up his brother and then went home and blew off his head. There is no nice way to say that. He's gone. It's irrepairable.

Gabiden Kourman.

I taught him. He was on my math team. He was quite and intense even in the 8th grade. Still waters run deep. In high school, he stood up in Bible and said that he didn't believe in Jesus, in God, that he'd never believed. Students responded in all kinds of ways. The usual array from disbelief to trying to sway him to being mean. He later recanted saying that he was only trying to get them to think about what they believed. He was so close to himself, it's hard to know what his real intent was.

He was an excellent student. He loved math, he loved writing, he loved books. I heard that he'd said the pressure was too much. He was a freshman.

His 7th grade brother found him.

As mad as I got over the dismissal of David last year, I do know without a doubt that he would not have handled chapel today like Roger did. I do know that students have heard the plan of salvation over and over and over again this year. No one can leave Calvary Baptist Day School this year and say, "But how was I to know the way to heaven?" They know. Our walk through Romans has plainly and clearly shown our sin in Adam and the redemption in Jesus Christ.

While this is tragic beyond words, it is amazing to see God's hand, His placement of people, to know He is working.

I am heartbroken and yet awed in His presence.

Moving

We moved a lot when I was growing up. Sometimes Daddy would come home and he'd be gone the next day. We'd have to move within a week.

We were always told it had to do with Daddy's job. It was because of what he wanted to do. That may have been true. Also helped him hide affairs that's for sure.

BUT I do wonder now, with hindsight on my side, if part of it wasn't in part because of Mother. It had to be easier to up and leave when she had run through her course of friends. How hard it must have been for him to have to explain in a small, tight-knit community like Western Union was. Why won't Joy come over any more? She used to be so close to all the girls and now she won't even return calls.

I don't know and of course I can't ask. But I do wonder.

Cold bed pans

When I was in the 7th grade, my periods were terrible – so bad, that I could hardly get out of bed or keep any food down. I had to go to the doctor. He put me in the hospital. I missed enough of school that I got my one and only D in math. I also got several blood transfusions which made going to the bathroom impossible. I might not remember Mother and the cold bedpans at all except that our next door neighbor, Mrs. Rollo came to relieve her for a spell and during that period, I had to go to the bathroom. Mrs. Rollo warmed the bedpan for me to use. She didn’t make me use a cold one – she warmed it!

Captivity

I must accept God's continual presence in my life as absolute fact! I am parched for him. I want to surrender completely to you. I am so saddened it has taken me this long to surrender.

Captivity is anything that keeps me from have the abundant and full life with God. Lord, I've been captive and didn't even know. Please break these chains and set me free. I want victory in Jesus. I don't want them to be words. I don't want triteness and pettiness. I want be free from this bondage.

God's presence

Matthew 14:25-32
25And in (A)the [a]fourth watch of the night He came to them, walking on the sea.
26When the disciples saw Him walking on the sea, they were terrified, and said, "It is (B)a ghost!" And they cried out in fear.
27But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, "(C)Take courage, it is I; (D)do not be afraid."
28Peter said to Him, "Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water."
29And He said, "Come!" And Peter got out of the boat, and walked on the water and came toward Jesus.
30But seeing the wind, he became frightened, and beginning to sink, he cried out, "Lord, save me!"
31Immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and took hold of him, and said to him, "(E)You of little faith, why did you doubt?"
32When they got into the boat, the wind stopped.
God is present during the storm. God is present is this storm.

Realizations

I've been thinking about the letter mother sent to me about Ron. There is more to it than what's written on the paper. Divide and conquer themes run rampant.

It would not surprise me at all if the ulterior motive was to divide Ron and I. A split. Ultimate divorce. To make me distrust Ron too. She has never given any indication that she has did not love Ron as a son, that she did not trust him with everything in her life - including her life. AND then out of the blue he is untrustworthy and has been for years.

Now I struggle for real words - the ones that come out of my mouth. They are much easier to come off my fingers. This year to me has been amazing. I know I've said that at least once in this journal.

I probably would have kept taking the horrid treatment my mother kept dishing out except that she turned on my family. She turned on my baby first. This was harder to put together because of the distance in miles, but we did. Then she turned on Ann (actually, she turned on her again, but her behavior toward Ann during her move was so juvenile). You don't say things to your children like, "I know you think you love me."

Through all this, I've found that I've been distancing myself from her. I can't trust that anything I said would be interpreted appropriately or realistically. I've felt manipulated at every turn. In reality I've been manipulated my entire life. Then of course there was the letter about Ron. This was the final straw in my eyes.

He is struggling with severing the relationship completely. He is struggling because he is the kind and generous and loving man that I married. No, I take that back. He is more kind and more loving and more generous than he was. It is amazing to me that he can think about picking her up for church, but he can.

I do not want him to be alone with her. I do not trust her. I don't say this out of malice. I say this out of fact and self preservation. If she were anyone else, I would have severed the ties ages ago. I would have come to the conclusions that it has taken me this entire year to draw years ago if not decades ago.

I know now that God has used this year to draw me out and away from her so that I could sever the relationship when the time came. The hardest thing in all this is to recognize that your mother has used you for her own gains -- which I truly believe are to make everyone miserable because she is miserable. This is a shame, but it's not my shame.

To Know God and Believe Him

God chose me to know him and to be his witness!

John 8:36
36"So if the Son (A)makes you free, you will be free indeed.
I have a personal relationship with Christ, but until this latest mess with mother came up, I had distanced myself from him. Why did I do that? He had not moved. I know it was me. I'd gotten busy. I'd been working on web stuff. I'd been looking for things to do. I'd been working on the house. I'd been empty.

So right now, I want to change the distance. I want to be in the middle of what I need to be in the middle of. I don't want to be satisfied with anything less than what God wants! I want to know God intimately.

Division

I've been thinking back over my adult life at the division Mother has caused. It's been there ripe for the picking. I just didn't know it.

Comments that were frequently attributed to someone else.

Your grandmother even commented that your mother-in-law is going to be a handful.
Joe mentioned that he wondered why y'all had moved me out here and hadn't done more than you'd done.

She's got something else in mind, that little daughter-in-law of yours. You better watch out for her.

Those kinds of comments, looking back on them, were made for one purpose and one purpose only: to divide and conquer, to keep people from fully trusting one another, to create disharmony. She's a master of it.

Now, I want to let this go. I do. But I don't want to sweep it under the rug either. I don't want to excuse it or make it less than it is. I want to embrace it and understand who she is. I don't want to forget. I want to look her full in the face (or at least a photograph) and understand how she has manipulated our lives.